Is Homeschooling Better than School?
Well, it depends who you ask.
I was responding to a blog post today about how homeschoolers are “blind” to how homeschooling can ruin their kids, because, well, they are homeschoolers. And how parents with strong personalities can make their kids basket cases.
Ok. So, let’s turn that around. Public school parents/administrators/teachers are “blind” to how school can ruin their kids, because, well, they are public schoolers. And how parents and teachers and other kids with strong personalities can make their kids basket cases.
I’m not saying that homeschooling is better. What I am saying is that homeschooling is not worse because there are some that “fail” or have a hard time as adults. Homeshcooling is only “worse” because most people haven’t experienced it, and don’t get it. So they see it that way. And because people make the choice to homeschool, instead of choosing their preferred educational choice, it is treated with some kind of higher expectation than anything else. That if a kid doesn’t live up to society’s expectation of what they are supposed to do, it’s an indication that homeschooling is a problem, and should be questioned, monitored and otherwise messed with. That if homeschooling “fails” a kid, then some huge horrible thing has happened. Yet, when kids in school come out of it with many, many adults who have let them get screwed up on the way, it’s just, well, the natural way of things. And, let’s slap on another rule, regulation or test that still doesn’t change the results all that much.
Schools don’t generate 100% returns. Many kids have problems. In fact, a much higher percentage of kids come out of schools with various problems, issues and struggles. Yet, few question the validity of whether the schools are the best place for kids to grow up. Well, except for the people who leave school to homeschool. Every year we pump through a graduating class of children that absolutely know for sure will produce at least a certain percentage of unhappy and unready almost-adults, yet we keep doing it year after year after year. How is that any different, or BETTER, than a few homeschooling students coming through the process with some unreadiness issues? How is it that homeschooling “failures” are worse than public school failures?
Here’s a way to explain this what one person considers to be the “best” place to grow up differs from the next. Yet, in the end, none of them are the best for everyone. No state is the best state, no city is the best city, no religion is the best. Everything is determined by the individual making the assessment. The same is true with education. We’re OK with the idea of different people wanting to live in different states. But we (as a society) are not OK with the idea of different people wanting to live a different educational life.
It’s the current state of thing that in this country, most people believe from their point of view that public school is the best place for all. Doesn’t mean it is actually the best. It means that’s what our culture knows. What we understand.
Where we sit is limited by our experiences. To say that someone else’s position is “wrong” simply because it isn’t the same seat we are in is myopic. It’s the very thing our culture says that public school is supposed to teach us not to do—instead we’re supposed to understand where other people from different backgrounds and places are coming from.
Yet, those who are the most adamantly opposed to homeschooling have very little understanding. And create a concrete opinion based on limited personal experience and media exposure. Hell, even those IN the community do that. Homeschoolers who don’t approve of other homeschoolers. If homeschoolers themselves can’t find common ground, how can we expect non-homeschoolers to even come close to understanding where we are coming from?
This is one reason that my husband and I homeschool our kids. Not because we wanted to shield them from what’s going on in school. But because we wanted them to see the stuff that isn’t taught in schools. The many different viewpoints. The alternate ideas. To question things, and be free to say, “I want to know more about this and really understand it.” And have time to do that. To be able to explore the world - even the stuff that nobody wants anyone to know. To see that their view is not privileged. Nobody’s view is privileged. And that in any society, the majority opinion is not “right”. There is no such thing as “right”. There are only trends in thought. Can you imagine a school that taught that? A school that really allowed its students to see that the school is just a system that everyone has agreed upon, and that’s why it works. It doesn’t work the way it does because it’s right. But because all the participants have tacitly agreed to follow the rules, even if they don’t make sense.
(Don’t worry. Our kids get plenty of exposure to arbitrary rules and systems. They are involved in park and rec classes. Some with some seriously boot-camp teachers. And we go to Disneyland, the kingdom of tacit rule following, on a regular basis.)
The only kinds of things we shield our kids from are things like the idea that in order to be worth something, someone else has to say that you’re good enough. That’s the biggest lie that our students in school are taught. That if they don’t do the right thing, don’t get good grades, don’t live up to everyone’s expectations, they’ve failed. Another is the idea that children have to spend their entire lives performing to get that prize that never arrives. Sure, everyone gets judged in “real life” and we have people who we need to please in order to get what we want. But not everyday. Not every single piece of work we produce. And man, we don’t need to have to “practice” that all the time in order to be able to deal with it. Plus, anyone who has that in everyday life is living a pretty crappy life in my opinion. Adults choosing that kind of crappy job is one thing. That’s their choice. But children who don’t have a choice, that’s just mean.
These are some of my personal reasons. This doesn’t mean it’s right or that anyone else should agree with me. I respect those who don’t agree with that and make different life choices for their children based on different values of what’s important in life. But just because I don’t agree with how school should educate children, and I choose not to be a part of it, doesn’t mean that I need some sense slapped into me. I’m free to choose. And so long as we are free to choose in this country, I will choose. Take away choice for people to have their own opinions and do things their way, even if it seems a “disservice” to kids, is not freedom. It’s forcing people to bend to the current social point of view. Which, if we look at history, has *never* been right. Why, is right now, in the time we just happen to live in, the “right” opinion? In 50 years, we’ll look back at today and see just how wrong we were.
And who knows, maybe homeschooling is actually better, but because 99% of the country has never tried it, they’re all missing out.
Or maybe homeschoolers actually are missing out. But, if I have to make a wager, I’ll bet on homeschooling. There’s always time for kids to go to school if they want. Once that window of childhood freedom is over, it’s rare that we get a chance to be this free again. I’m betting that we’ll miss out on less if we homeschool. And, if it does turn out all homeschooelrs have screwed up, we’re only 1% of the population, remember? Why is that even interesting to public schoolers? Even if we were 5%, that’s still far less than the percentage of kids who come through the school system braindead, burned out or lost.
As a conclusion, homeschooling is better than school if you think it is. It’s not better if you don’t. Simple as that. Not worth fighting about. It’s like fighting over which is better - apples or bananas.
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Great post!! Very well said!
Wow, we had not seen a fired-up post from you in a while! I love it when people piss you off. It makes good reading for the rest of us.
What a great post! I homeschool because I want my kids to question things and be able to explore things to their hearts content. It is sad that kids in school actually get stiffled by their teachers when they want to learn about something. The teacher doesn’t have the time or it is not in the scheduled curriculum.
It is also interesting how homeschoolers can be divided even amongst themselves. Non homeschoolers really don’t get it. So often I am asked if I am worried that I am sheltering my kids and of socialization. It’s hilarious to me because sheltering my kids from bad stuff…well that is my job as their parent…I do want them to have a childhood and be carefree…Socialization? Yea we are really lacking in that…we just got home for the day at 9pm and my kids social lives are actually too full for the time being. My kids have wayyyy more activities and opportunities because we homeschool.
You are right, it is not worth fighting over. Even though we are the elite 1%! ;0
Excellent post. I don’t think I’ve seen it written better than that.
Thanks momlovesbeingathome, Anna and Sheri
Heather - I guess it boils down to what people think is “bad”, eh? Believe it or not, there are many that think being bullied at school is “good”, because it’s practice for “real life”. In our current society, having a carefree childhood is not valued. It’s considered being lazy. We’re a culture of the more crap you go through, the better. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If that’s so true, why are there so many psychologists and increase in psychotic drugs? Elite 1% hehehe. Well, certainly, the happy 1%.
Wonderful post.
Great post & great points.
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We’ve tried it all: Public, Private, back to Public, Set-scheduled Homeschooling, currently one graduated, one in Virtual School doing better then ever, and one in Funschooling. All are happy having chosen thier individual paths. The youngest will tell you he has NO desire to ever return to any formal style school, lol.
Great post!
Vicki ~ Nice to meet you!
What a great post! I love that you caught that school is just different preperation for real life, not the only preperation. My SIL homeschools because she went to a fancy university after being an honor student in high school. She was horrified to learn that she hadn’t really learned anything in school but how to get A’s. She had to scramble hard for four years to get a C+ average. She is determined that this wont happen to her kids. They will still have unpleasant surprises, life is full of them, but they won’t have that one.
I enjoyed reading this.
agreed
It boils down to:
People fear what they do not understand.
Homeschooling has taken on a fairly large following not because it “works” but because the traditional schoolhouse model does NOT work. Further, homeschooling has risen in popularlity simply because parents have no real alternative to schools (whether public or private) but to keep their children at home.
Unfortunately, homeshooled children basically get the same teaching and learning approach in their own homes that they would be getting in formal schools and unless the homeschool “teacher” (usually a parent) is highly skilled and able to dedicate upwards of 8 hours a day to this task, the children as often as not do not emerge any better off.
What is needed is a better way to enable children to learn and provide for them to do so outside of their homes and without needing for one or more parents to make a life commitment to it. Take a look at the definitive treatment of this problem developed by Trigon-International in its recently released commission report, “Education in America — What’s to Be Done?”
[...] discusses the question “Is homeschooling better than school?” You can read her post here. This is such a vital and topical issue and I think it is at the root of such red herrings as [...]
Tammy I’ve written a sort of response, support, continued comment on this topic. Check it out here http://a2zhomeschool.com/cgailb/2009/03/02/grass-green-paths-less-travelled/
Tammy, I wrote a sort of continued comment of your topic and posted a reference link to this blog entry. Cathy
Cathy “cgailb”’s last blog post: Grass, green, paths less travelled
Homeschooling is fine. It is good for people to be able to choose. My kids are in public school. I also teach them things they do not learn at school and they take music and dance lessons.
I also volunteer at the school. Very few parents do. Many parents of public school kids, fail at parenting. This became quite evident to me when I was asked to be a substitute teacher in a class for 5 months at the school (I have a credential) and I saw how few parent were involved. The parents who either helped or touched base with me regularly had the most successful kids.
I believe in the philosophy that “it takes a village to raise a child.” That is why I volunteer at the school when I am not working. I feel it is an honor to help in the classroom with the kids who are having trouble learning. I do not help my own children when I help out at school. I have time to do that at home.
My concern is that most of the homeschoolers I know ONLY help with their OWN children’s education. Therefore, the kids that are out in society that have inattentive parents seldom get help from the very adults who could help them out the most.
Before the homeschooling movement really took off, the types of adults who now homeschool their kids were the most likely to be at the school helping out in the classrooms. Therefore their love, their talents, and their enthusiam for learning was SHARED with many children from the neighborhood, not just their own.
Also, when your children see you helping those who are less fortunate than them, that is perhaps one of the best lessons they could learn. I like to help people out who are unable to help themselves-the children of parents who, for whatever reason, are falling short in their parenting skills.
However, we do have choices and maybe some people would be uncomfortable helping out the “damaged” children of society. But I feel that supporting public schools with my time helps the future adults of the society that my children will live in.
Perhaps many homeschoolers do help the less fortunate in the community. Unfortunately of the ones I know (and some are my very dearest friends)never reach out to help other children learn. They are actually very selfish with their time and energy and almost exclusively help only their own children and perhaps a few of other homeschooled children.
So it is a personal choice. Choose what is best for you. But hopefully you will decide to look at the big picture as well and reach out and help other kids in the community as well. It really does take a village to raise kids well. Unfortunately the segregation of homeschooled vs religious schools vs public schools has dissected the village.
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