Just Enough and Nothing More

Recently, I commented on a blog post by a college student, regarding her inexperience with the real world and with homeschooling.

That post inspired many people to click over to her blog and leave a comment. There were a lot of comments, and Kirsten, the blog writer, never responded.

Then, Allison B. came along and felt quite insulted by the number of people who made comments about Kristen’s post, and she gave us a smack-down. Or at least, it sounded like she did. I mean, she said mean and angry things. She must be right, right? If you want to read her entire comment, go to the comments and scroll down about 2/3 of the way.

I was going to respond to her on Kristen’s blog, but my “comment” became more like a book, so I’m putting it here. Allison B. and Kristen both proved my point exactly. And, although I do generally like being right about things, I really, really wish that Kristen would have proven me wrong about what I posted.

Also, as I was editing this, I realized that this isn’t just a response to Allison B. I read a lot of blogs and messages boards, and this kind of insult-based response is pretty common. So it’s a response to Allison, but it’s also quite a bit of pent-up thoughts accumulated over time. That’s another reason I didn’t post on Kristen’s blog.

Anyway, here it goes. Hope it’s not too terrible.

Allison B.,

Unfortunately, it was probably my fault that Kristen got so many comments. I have a fairly high profile blog and I linked to her post in one of my posts, rather than commenting directly here. So, that, at least explains why so many homeschoolers ended up here. I doubt that most of them were scouring the internet for random homeschooling blogs to comment on. (That’s what I do, but it’s my bread and butter, so I think I get a pass?)

Anyway, I wanted to point out that, unfortunately, you proved my exact point that I made on the post where I linked to Kristen’s blog.

You said:

“This is absolutely ridiculous. This is not the type of behavior I would expect from adults who homeschool their children. Perhaps if you didn’t spend so much of your time at home you wouldn’t be searching the Internet for blogs about homeschooling.”

Well, according to Kristen, homeschoolers have less time and are overwhelmed. So which is it, either we’re overwhelmed or we’re at home with nothing to do? Also, aren’t many school moms at home all day when their children are in school, so they can have time for themselves? What would you say to them if they posted? I really tried to parse this comment with some kind of logic, and came up short. Also, just an FYI about how the homeschooling community works, is that we are all very connected on the internet. Knowing how homeschoolers communicate and the viral nature of the internet would have explained the reason this blog got “zerged” much more clearly and logically than imagining a few dozen homeschoolers sitting at their computers foaming at the mouth looking for blogs to comment on. Although, I have to admit, my version is not nearly as entertaining to imagine!

You also wrote: “If you are so clever, you probably noticed that this blog is for a one semester course. This student is not blogging because she wants to discuss these topics with you, she is doing because it is required by her professor.”

Gah, I hate to use this cliche, but it works here, “Welcome to the real world, Kristen and Allison.” If school is supposed to be preparation for the real world, where bad things happen in school and people are supposed to be able to stand up for themselves around lots of people who have different ideas, should this, right here, be exactly the thing she’s been preparing for all her life? Shouldn’t this be the test? Perhaps her professor is trying to indirectly show her just how unprepared she is for the real world? If this real world disagreement, on the internet which is now a very real and pervasive technology in our lives, bothers you, perhaps school didn’t do a very good job preparing you for it? This proves my point exactly that school does not prepare people for the real life disagreements that happen, and how to communicate ideas in such a way that it takes into account the diversity in the world.

You then added: “Attacking this girl is extremely immature, and she probably could care less about what you have to say.”

There is a difference between attacking someone and having an opinion. Granted, there is sometimes a fine line, and there is a gray area where cultures and personal issues will create different definitions. However, in general, there is a distinct difference between attacking someone and disagreeing with them. The comments on this blog are what disagreeing with an opinion looks like. These comments contain stories and examples of why they disagree, with facts and references to back up their claims. Generally, it’s only “attacking” when insults are thrown, and most often, thrown without all that much factual or personal information to back up the insults. On the one hand, “attacks” are actually easier to deal with. You can just ignore them, and move on. Or duke it out and fight for who is right (and of course, nobody ever gives in). But real disagreement and exchanging opinions (even heated ones) is hard, because it requires listening and having a real dialogue and the real chance that we might have to change our opinions according to new data. So, who is attacking who here? If the comments are attacking Kristen, then by definition, Kristen attacked every single homeschooler on the planet, simply by having an opinion. But I don’t think that she attacked us at all. She simply stated an opinion. Like you said. And so did all the other people who left her comments.

Now, granted, there are a lot of disagreeing opinions in these comments and perhaps Kirsten isn’t reading even one of them. That’s OK. The potentially hundreds of other people who come to this blog because of my link or others’ links or even a Google search will read the discussion and learn from it. The truth about writing in the real world, whether it be for a class or for our own satisfaction, is that our opinions live out there, in the world, on their own, to be read and dissected by everyone, not just the professor. Posting on a blog, on Facebook, or any other place that is publicly accessible is not the same as turning a paper into the teacher or writing in a journal. This is a lesson all children, teens, and college students NEED to learn to get along in the world today. So, perhaps, even if Kristen isn’t learning from it, someone else is.

You then stated “She obviously does not agree with homeschooling, and she is entitled to her opinion.”

Yes. And we aren’t? Blogging is not the same as talking around the dinner table with family. Anytime anyone throws an opinion out into the great big real world, one must be prepared to hear responses from strangers. If you have an unsubstantiated opinion about a minority group, that is going to hit a nerve. That’s an important lesson to learn. If you have an opinion and you don’t want anyone to respond to it, then only tell your dear friends and your diary. Don’t publish it on the internet, especially on a blog. Blogs are exactly for the express purpose of getting feedback on one’s opinions and information. Blogs are not a good place to say what you want to say if you don’t want anyone to disagree with you. There are a lot of lessons to be learned here.

Plus, just so you know, it’s her blog. She has the ability to delete anyone’s comments. So, she is perfectly able to defend herself. She’s strong.

You then explain your disturbitude: “It is very disturbing that people would target a college student trying to get through her semester, and believe me, your opinions are not going to change hers. It would be of your benefit to waste your time doing something else.”

I was that college student once. “Just getting through the semester” is exactly the problem here. If that’s all she’s doing, and our opinions mean squat to her, why did she get this assignment in the first place? What is the whole point of assigning students the busy work of making all the effort to put their paper on the internet, where it’s public? Is it to “prepare them for the real world with a variety of opinions and people” or is it to teach them how to use technology? Well, if it’s either of those things, that effort did not work, if the result is her ignoring these responses. If there was some other reason for making her do it, I’d love to hear it, because from this side of the fence, where I’m 12 years away from grad school, the waste doesn’t appear to be in all the comments she got. The waste was in making her do the assignment in the first place, and the waste was in her (and you) not learning from it.

By the way, there is more on this blog besides homeschooling opinions. The articles on her blog are all academic and reflect the stilted, ‘I’ve got to get through this’, way of talking about issues.

In her latest post, she says, “I think one of the most essential things an educator can do it to build the knowledge and self confidence of their students.”

Yet, where is her self confidence? Where is the place where she stands up for what she believes in and is passionate about the world she lives in? Where is the proof that she’s been essentially educated? That is what I want to see, and it makes me crazy that she’s not showing that. I really wish that these comments could shake her and wake her up.

This is the rest of that paragraph after the quote about teachers: “I also feel strongly that one of the main purposes of schools is to create an environment where the students feel happy and safe. Students should be able to gain a sense of accomplishment and self confidence when they leave school. One of the main purposes of school is to help the students succeed and to prepare for the future. Teachers and the community play a big role in the success of education. My model of education is that teachers are put in a school and a classroom to influence children. I feel a teacher needs to be a good role model, someone for the students to look up to. Someone to provide students with a solid foundation that will help them grow and succeed as they progress in school and in life. Schools create an environment for those students that need a scapegoat from home. Teaching basic academic skills, building student’s self-esteem, promote global understanding and transmit cultural heritage are so important in today’s schools.”

Safe. Prepare for the future. Success of education. A scapegoat from home.

She is still in the safety net of school. She has absolutely no idea of what she’s going to face in the real world. She’s not prepared. Not one bit. And that, THAT, is exactly what I was saying on my blog, and that is what I believe is wrong with this blog post and why it’s so important that we talk about it in a very public way, not just grumbling about it in our living rooms.

So, maybe, just maybe, this is the one chance she might have to actually, really, honestly, confront a different opinion than her own, and deal with it. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll bring that experience with her when she has children, and remember. Right now might not be the right time, but it might have planted a seed, to give her the real confidence that she can be a strong woman, with her own thoughts, and her own opinions, without having to attack people with insults. Perhaps, just perhaps, she might learn true compassion for the people who live in her world.

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5. Homeschooling Magazines and Blog Carnivals