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Are Working Homeschoolers “Working Moms” or “Stay at Home Moms?”

9 April 2009 7 Comments

Should a mom work or stay at home? The debate may have a cute name, “Mommy Wars,” but it certainly isn’t cute to see two grown women arguing over how the other is wasting their lives or ruining their kids for their choices.

Talk shows like Dr. Phil thrive on this debate, bringing in spokeswomen from both sides to argue their points.

But there is something missing. There is a group of women who are defying all of this BS, and kicking ass. These are the work-at-home moms, and in particular, the work-at-home homeschoolers.

Women who take care of their families AND have satisfying work are integrating the best of both worlds. The women don’t work 40 hours a week at a 9-5. They work at hours they set, even if that means early morning or late at night. They do meaningful, life work, that is intertwined with their family life, often involving the children. They are costume designers, Tupperware saleswomen, party planners, day care providers, writers, hair designers, web designers, wedding planners, accountants, medical transcribers, editors, travel agents, and business owners. The list is endless.

They “work from home” but may rarely be home to do their work. These women who are working and parenting at the same time, and are the true super women of the world.

These are not superwomen because they are doing more, or because they are doing better. No, they are superwomen because they are outside of the stale Mommy Wars, standing at the fore-front of the next wave of motherhood.

It’s not perfect, as nothing is. It’s all too easy to get caught up in wanting to be perfect, no matter what choice we make. But since those of us who work and homeschool are not in the debate, we are quickly becoming successful and happy without the scrutiny of the press. Thank goodness for that!

It does take a special kind of woman to pull it off. Just as it takes a special kind of woman to work full time, and a special kind of woman to be uniquely a stay at home mom. We’re seeing more and more of these new kinds of special kind of women, who no longer need to war with an opposing side. They are redefining feminine success, and perhaps feminism itself.

7 Comments »

Obi-Mom Kenobi said:

Even the very words used here though “meaningful work” and “satisfying work” could be said to suggest that paid work is somehow “higher” than non-paid “family work”. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think you really mean that, I’ll even go out on a limb and say that I KNOW you don’t believe that, but our very vocabulary about work suggests that there is a culturally assumed superiority for labor (physical, mental and emotional) that is paid versus labor that is unpaid.

My mom was of the Get Out of the House generation and was initially appalled that I left a career and financial independence, that I “turned my back on my degree”. But it seems our generation is on it’s way to “making the turn” to realize that there is no One Right Way, no One Path for All. I have friends (male and female) who are home-makers, who work at home, and who have worked full time (plus) since their kids were 6 weeks old. We’re all well-adjusted, social, bright people and devoted to our families - and best of all so are our spouses and our kids.

I agree; it’s time to end the Mommy Wars.

Obi-Mom Kenobi’s last blog post: We would be honored if you would join us - again.

# 9 April 2009 at 2:09 pm

Jake Aryeh Marcus said:

I use “WOHM” or “WAHM,” meaning “work out of house mom” or “work at home mom.” Otherwise we are attaching harmful values to what is and isn’t work.

Jake Aryeh Marcus’s last blog post: What to Do When a Woman Breastfeeds Near You on an Airplane

# 9 April 2009 at 2:33 pm

Tammy (author) said:

“Work” can have many meanings. But for the purpose of this topic and this post, it means receiving money as a result of some effort.

I have been all three - working full time, staying at home w/out a job, and working and staying home at the same time. And I can say with absolute certainty that they are all different experiences. Not that one is better or has more value than the other, but they are all different.

And when I talk about meaningful work, I mean to differentiate between being paid to do mindless paid work that we don’t enjoy (for me would be filing or transcription) and doing paid work that we look forward to and get personal satisfaction from.

I’m not even a “work at home” mom, because when I get paid, it’s usually for something that I’m not doing at home. But my kids usually come with me when I do it. It’s been that way for a long time. So which am I? A work at home mom or a work out of the home mom? A working mom or a stay at home mom? I’m all of those.

It’s a curious how it’s impossible to label it. And I think that’s a good thing. It’s also a good direction to go, IMHO, for women.

# 9 April 2009 at 3:35 pm

Sam @ babyREADY said:

As a homeschooling mom (children are 11 and almost 8 and have never been in a “formal” school setting) I have always parented first and worked with my clients second. I am blessed to work with new and expectant couples and so they are often excited to meet my family when I have situations where my children accompany me. I don’t what category I fall in to. My work is often done outside of my own home. I am very lucky to be self-employed and to have so much time with my family.

Love this article. Nice to see a fresh, new light shed on an old and tired subject. I agree. Let’s put the “Mommy Wars” to bed.

# 9 April 2009 at 3:56 pm

Obi-Mom Kenobi said:

HeeHee
When I think of getting a part-time job, generally after a long day at home, it’s often something along the lines of filing or transcribing - because then I’d get to be alone for a little while. One woman’s pleasure is another woman’s pain, I guess.
Obi-Mom Kenobi’s last blog post: We would be honored if you would join us - again.